Forbidden
by Renchikara
Summary: A list of things we fans cannot do on Bleach. Just mere things we shouldn't say or do to the characters. Simple laws that must be followed, not to be broken under any circumstances. And if, by some miracle, they are broken, there is absolutely no reason why we should laugh. At all. Sounds easy enough, right? [Sister fic to Text.] [Accepting ideas from the audience!]
1. 1 to 15

**Blah blah blah blah blah, _You already have, like, loadsa stories, what is wrong with you?!_**

**What is wrong with me? Oh, where to start? XD**

**This one's kind of a sister fic for _Text_. Which basically means no particular plot, really only here for whatever half jokes I can come up with that can only just be labelled as comedy (I'm so mean to myself) and that this will get updated at any random time, depending on brainwaves I will hopefully get.**

**Besides, _I _have loads of incomplete stories? I know someone on FanFiction who has forty-six incomplete ones, and there are people who probably have more. That sure as hell made _me_ feel better!**

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**Forbidden**

**One**

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**1) **I will not insult Chappy the Rabbit or Captain Seaweed, unless I want the wrath of the Kuchiki family brought down upon me.

**2) **I cannot ask Kenpachi whether he is taking Barbie (Yachiru) for a ride.

**3) **The phrase 'Kenpachi Fried Chicken' is not funny. At all.

**4) **Suggesting to Ichigo's enemies that stabbing him in the face instead of the chest might actually kill him is not appropriate.

**5) **I mustn't point out that people like Ichigo must be compensating for something by having such big swords.

**6) **I am not allowed to throw strawberries at Ichigo or pineapples at Renji while shouting 'Meet your family!'

**7) **I cannot shout 'Bazinga!' whenever a character I like wins a fight.

**8) **Whenever Kenpachi passes out after a big fight, I mustn't shout, 'You killed Kenny! You bastards!'

**9) **Singing 'I Can't Decide' by The Scissor Sisters is not appropriate in the midst of battle.

**10) **Introducing the characters to FanFiction will not be hilarious in any way, shape or form.

**11) **While we're on that subject, I must not show them fanart either.

**12) **Or role-plays.

**13) **Or doujinshis.

**14) **In fact, it's probably best if I just keep them away from the internet altogether.

**15) **Singing the Batman theme song in the presence of Ulquiorra is not appropriate.

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**Sorry it's short, but with probable limited ideas for this in the future, I want to keep roughly fifteen ideas for each chapter. I've got sixty-five more ideas written down, so that should keep me going for a while, but I could really use reviews suggesting more things to put in this story.**

**I'm aware people have used this idea already for _Bleach, _but most ideas are probably taken by now. I mean, I know _Text _is hardly the only fic where the characters have phones. I'm just kind of doing my own thing. ^^**

**Originally, this idea was for a chapter of _Text_, and I might still use some of the jokes on here in a new chapter. I don't know. We'll see.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. 16 to 30

**To those of you who don't really know who I am, um... hi again?**

**I'm nuts. Ask my other readers. Wow, what a great start.**

**Anyway, my point... um... my point is, updates are _never _as frequent as this. _This_ is an anomaly. So... yeah!**

**Enjoy, and allons-y!**

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**Forbidden**

**Two**

**16) **I must not allow Orihime to cook for the residents of Hueco Mundo while she is prisoner there.

**17) **Loriel is not an acceptable topic of discussion while Byakuya is around.

**18) **I mustn't refer to Ulquiorra as an emo.

**19) **When questioning Aizen's invincibility, Horcruxes is not regarded as a possibility.

**20) **I mustn't beg Kenpachi to sing 'You Are A Pirate.'

**21) **I am not allowed to call Grimmjow 'Grimm-kitty'.

**22) **As a true Bleach fangirl, I'm obligated to ignore that last rule.

**23) **I must not accept candy from the strange man with the green coat, hat and clogs.

**24) **When Rukia violently beats up Ichigo, I cannot ask her whether it is her time of the month.

**25) **Regarding the previous rule, it is inappropriate to accuse characters like Rukia and Hiyori of 'PMSing 24/7'.

**26) **Despite being excitable and completely hyper the whole time, 'Grimm-kitty' does not need to be neutered.

**27) **Black Star did not grow up to become Grimmjow.

**28) **I must not, under any circumstances, employ Orihime as a chef.

**29) **I cannot swat Kaname Tousen while he is in his final release form.

**30) **Uryu's weird blade thingy is not a lightsaber.

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**Ah, humour at its finest.**

**... that's sarcasm, btw. '^^**

**And yeah, as I said, some ideas for this story would be great. You can review with ideas or PM me. Thanks to Akari kamiya for offering to help. I would really appreciate some ideas from the audience. ^^**


	3. 31 to 45

**YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**BEST. DAY. EVER.**

**BEST. EARLY. BIRTHDAY. PRESENT. EVER.**

**And I know updating a tiny little story that isn't really a story is hardly a way of celebrating the arrival of the person who means most to me in the world now, but I like to think that I can at least try to make you guys smile too.**

**:) :D X) XD ^^**

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**Forbidden**

**Three**

**31) **I cannot point out to everyone that the fights would be a lot quicker and less-troublesome if they'd brought guns with them.

**32) **Making countless short jokes around Toshiro and Rukia is not acceptable.

**33) **Light Yagami did NOT travel back in time after dying, get sent the Soul Society and one day change his name to Sosuke Aizen. That theory is ridiculous... right?

**34) **Asking Ulquiorra whether he'd like any candy because he is the reincarnation of L is ridiculous.

**35) **Izuru Kira is not an untruthful, manipulative, wannabe God-like, psychotic murderer with a small back notebook.

**36) **When Tousen speaks of justice, I will not ask if whether he believes in the same justice as Light Yagami (aka killing millions of people because they are not suited for the 'new world').

**37) **Tensa Zangetsu does not represent what Ichigo and Rukia's love child would look like.

**38) **I will not use the word 'Obsession' while Momo or Orihime are around.

**39) **Just because Rukia occasionally lives in Ichigo's closet does _not _mean that it is acceptable to have my favourite characters locked away in my closet. That would be wrong.

**40) **Regarding the members of my OTP, I am not allowed to ask Kisuke to make a love potion. Again.

**41) **Shouting 'Avada Kedavra' instead of 'Getsuga Tensho' is entirely inappropriate.

**42) **Dyeing Ichigo's outfit pink will not be 'extremely funny', and there is no reason why I would want to post it on YouTube, Tumblr, Facebook or Twitter. No reason at all.

**43) **Stay away from Gin. No matter how awesome I think he might be, or whether anyone out there finds his creepy smile 'cute', just. Stay. Away. From. Him.

**44) **Grimmjow and Yoruichi do not need flea collars.

**45) **I shall not use Tite Kubo's name in vain.


	4. 46 to 60

**Forbidden**

**Four**

**4****6) **When everything in life starts to make sense, I cannot state that 'This was all part of Aizen's plan.'

**47)** Byakuya's Bankai is not girly in any way, and suggesting otherwise we'll result in me getting killed by that Bankai.

**48)** And it totally wouldn't be the most pathetic, embarrassing death to be killed by sakura petals. Nope. Absolutely not.

**49)** I should not try to catch Aizen with a net while he is in his released form, because Aizen is **NOT **a butterfly.

**50)** That being said, I cannot sing 'Hungry Like The Wolf' around Starrk, because he is **NOT **a canine.

**51)** Nor should I hum the Jaws theme around Harribel, because she is **NOT **a shark.

**52)** And playing the Batman theme around Ulquiorra is also wrong because he is **NOT **a bat.

**53)** If Grimmjow disobeys Aizen again, I am not allowed to grab a bottle of water and spray him, because Grimmjow is not a... well, you get the idea. (However, he most certainly _is _a kitty cat, no matter what anyone says.)

**54)** And to add on to the rule about **NOT **being allowed to swat Tousen in his released form, I can't spray him either.

**55)** When new Arrancars are created, they are not taught about the hungry, hungry caterpillar. And it most certainly is **NOT **Yammy.

**56) **Stating that Aizen 'needs to get laid' will probably result in death.

**57)** I will not march along with an army of fangirls into the Soul Society, and obviously stalking/kidnapping Toshiro is out of the question.

**58)** If Ichigo ever ends up having kids (and they also happen to have inner Hollows) they do NOT need to be vaccinated.

**59) **During an extremely important Espadas' meeting, it is ill-advised to place whoopie cushions on their seats.

**60)** 'Off to protect the world from Hollows' is not a valid excuse for skipping class.


	5. 61 to 75

**Happy Holloween- I mean Halloween!**

**(Stupid adults say I'm too old for Trick or Treating now. *smiles creepily* Stupid adults will pay... heheheheh...)**

**I would update Text as well, but I have nothing to write. Plus, I haven't found the time. I've literally spent all of today and yesterday running around London. *slams head into desk and begins whining* I'm tiiiiiireeeed...~**

**(But it was worth it. Five words: Lion. King. Lyceum. Theatre... AWESOME.)**

**(PS. Thank you to Panda-Angel-Wings for the Halloween inspiration! You are quite literally my most awesome reader when it comes to making me smile!)**

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**Forbidden**

**Five**

**61) **No. Ulquiorra will not be dressing up as Batman for Halloween.

**62) **Or a vampire.

**63) **Or a zombie.

**64) **No, Gin will not be dressing up as a fox.

**65) **Or a snake. That would just be creepy. Thank you _very_ much for the nightmares.

**66) **I will not Trick or Treat Aizen. That would end badly. It's not exactly like he's handing out packets up gelatine Hokyokus. That would be stupid. Completely.

**67) **…Or Gummy Bear/Jelly Baby Espada with different theme colours- okay, I'm shutting up about that now, I swear.

**68)** When Ichigo is on his way to kill Hollows, I cannot sing the Ghostbusters' theme.

**69 a) **I will not make fun of Shuuhei's 69 tattoo.

**69 b)** Or the fact that Kensei also has a 69 tattoo.

**70) **I will not give Grimmjow a cat suit for Halloween, film him stealing candy from innocent little kids, upload the video to YouTube, get brutally attacked by said kitty, take the video down and then post a FanFiction titled 'Forbidden', warning others of what Grimmjow can be like when he gets angry and why this rule (along with many others (especially the ones about Grimmjow)) must be obeyed or else I will be in serious trouble.

Oh… wait…

**71) **I will not Trick or Treat Mayuri, because accepting anything he gives to me is a bad idea, and God knows what he'd do to me if I tried tricking him.

**72) **I will not Trick or Treat Kisuke either, because as I said earlier, you should never accept candy from the strange man in the hat and clogs, and tricking him is impossible because he is like the Chuck Norris of Bleach.

**73) **I shouldn't give Rukia a play girl bunny suit for Halloween saying that it will make Ichigo happy. Or give him nightmares. Whatever works.

**74) **The same goes for Orihime in revealing outfit (saying it will make Ichigo happy).

**75) **And no. Hollow Ichigo will not be going for Halloween as the Joker. Even though he'd make a good joker.

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**And he really does make a good joker. Seriously. Go on Google Images right now and type in 'Hollow Ichigo joker'. Seriously. Do it.**

**Oh, I know it's a little early (and I hate the festivities anyway) but I think I know what I can do for Christmas regarding this FanFic. Obviously Christmas themed rules. I've already got a list of them, and sending in more would be much appreciated. ;) But maybe I can write actual scenes of the characters finding out what happens when these rules are broken. I don't know. It's just an idea. Would you like that?**

**Remember to review!**


	6. 76 to 90

**Oh. It's been almost a month.**

**Sorry. '^^**

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**Forbidden**

**Six**

**76) **I mustn't give Grimmjow catnip, because that wouldn't be funny. In the slightest.

**77) **I cannot ask Ulquiorra or Hollow Ichigo whether they'd burn or sparkle in sunlight.

**78) **And I certainly can't ask Karyia that.

**79) **Nor can I ask him whether he is Dracula.

**80) **When Old Man Yama bangs his staff against the ground, he is not entitled to say, 'You shall not pass.'

**81) **Kenpachi vs Hollow Ichigo vs Grimmjow would in no way be the most amusing, enjoyable fight ever.

**82) **'Sonic Screwdriver' is not a valid form of a released zanpakuto.

**83) **Shouting 'GET A ROOM!' when Ichigo and Rukia/ Shinji and Hiyori/ Kisuke and Yoruichi are arguing will earn me a kick in the face.

**84) **I will not replace the Hogyoku in Hueco Mundo with a stink bomb, no matter how priceless Aizen's face will be afterwards.

**85) **Ichigo does not need a stress ball.

**86) **Nor do any of the other characters, for that matter.

**87) **Kon is not Freddie. Chappy is not Bonnie. Ririn is not Chica. In fact, I have to STOP spreading rumours about the animatronics being Mod Souls.

(Kon's not even a bear, anyway.)

**88) **And no, the _Bleach_ characters don't need to be introduced to _Five Nights At Freddie's_. That would be cruel.

**89) **Ichigo is not Doctor Jekyll and Hollow Ichigo is not Mr Hyde.

**90) **Kisuke Urahara is not the next incarnation of the Doctor.

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**I'm glad to see people liked my idea in the last chapter. I'll work on that. ;)**


	7. Aren't I an idiot? XD

**How's it going, guys?**

**Okay, now for the guilty confession:**

**Thanks to some idiot I know personally messing around with my stuff a few days before Christmas, I've lost my list. And I don't mean a piece of paper, either. I mean a file on my computer. Or it could be on one of my various memory sticks. That's the sad thing really. I have absolutely NO idea where the hell it's got to. **

**What list, you ask? The one will all the rules and stuff for this fic. Backup, you suggest? Said idiot, in addition, deleted that. And removed it from the recycling bin. And messed around with all my files. It's a miracle I can update any of my stories, considering the ideas I have jotted down for all of them have disappeared.**

**I know they're not gone permanently- said idiot clarified that he definitely transferred a folder titled 'FanFiction' to some area on my computer or one of my memory sticks.**

**(Real helpful information. ¬_¬)**

**I have been searching relentlessly, rest assured.**

**Anywho, I spent most of January in optimism, believing that I could do a late Xmas special and turn this around. Now, over a month and a half later, I feel the need to confess to you. I'm so sorry. I ****_WILL_**** find that folder, I promise. ^^**

**I solemnly swear that I will NEVER lend my laptop to a family member again.**

**Toodles~**

**(Please don't kill me!)**


End file.
